One thing I have struggled with my whole life, due to a number of factors, is how to stop difficult and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings from overwhelming me. When I was older, I learned that I had to face those difficulties and process them, but I never knew how, beyond simple immersion therapy. In other words, I beat myself over and over with the thing, until it didn’t hurt so much.
Unfortunately that doesn’t work very well on its own. And I think this fumbling step ended up creating even more issues internally. I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working. So I went back to mostly avoiding anything internal that hurt me too much.
My counselor put me on to a really useful approach when dealing with difficult emotions and thoughts, called defusion. Defusion is a really cool way of untangling our minds from these difficult thoughts and emotions because it not only WORKS, but it also because it is very useful practice in daily life.
The exercise that was explained to me was one of many, as it turns out, but personally I still think its one of the better ones.
The process is:
- Choose a time when you are ready to deal with your difficult thoughts and emotions
- Pick up a ball, and just throw it in the air, and catch it. Not fast, just in an easy to repeat regular fashion
- While you are doing this, thing about the problem you are facing, let the emotions and thoughts wash over you without trying to stop them or control them. Just observe them, and your reactions
- Don’t forget to keep throwing and catching the ball 🙂
- That’s it!
What is brilliant about this is that exploits two flaws in humans. Firstly, the physical activity occupies the some of the same part of the brain that deal with the thoughts and emotions. This means that our brains cannot fully immerse themselves in feeling and thinking so much about that topic, because it has to do the physical action too, keeping them from overwhelming us.
Secondly, it exploits another flaw in our minds when it comes to memories. I’m sure there is a proper and really detailed explanation of the process, but in a nutshell our brains (sort of) take them out of our memories when we recall them and think about them. Then it re-records them when we are done. Each time our minds take out these thoughts, the impact or force or power they have is diminished a little. You may have noticed this effect already when you have recalled a precious memory of your own. They get a little more fuzzy, and some details are pronounced, while others get a little harder to recall. As though the memory gets a bit worn out with use.
Tip: When it comes to the physical activity, you can substitute your own preferred activity, as long as it requires your mind to be fairly actively focused on the task, compared to something like tapping your foot, which can be done with barely any awareness. Walking is often a time when our minds will sift through thoughts and memories and try to process them. This can be a good time to do the exercise too, but walking on its own is also a fairly low focus activity, especially if it is familiar, so it may not be as effective as other physical activities. Don’t forget to eliminate background distractions like music.
Below are some links to more variations on ways to practice defusion, as well as more of an explanation on the process. I hope you find it useful and effective!
Defusion: How to Detangle from Thoughts & Feelings
Ten defusion techniques for unhooking your mind
